well…

not to sound less than enthusiastic about this TWW but… I kinda am.  I am trying – sorta successfully – to keep my mind on other things.  To keep my mind so full of projects I don’t have time to think of anything else.    I had some pretty intense cramping last night which makes me think AF is right around the corner and makes me a little sad.  Part of me thinks well you did take the double dose of clomid and maybe it worked this time…but the other part of me thinks honestly how could this outcome be different than the last.  The only time I allow myself to think about it when I’m blogging so it might be sparse this TWW just because I am trying not to over analyze every little symp or twinge.  There is a song from the movie P.rince of E.gypt about miracles – even though it’s a kids movie they are still pretty powerful and I think the lyrics definitely apply to the head space I’m currently in or hoping to be in soon.  One of complete faith and understanding that things happen for a reason – and that it’s not just a chliche’.

In workout world, I am set to run with my team tonight – well half of my team the other half is training and to gimpy to run LOL.  Really though, it’s not funny she hurt her knees and ankles from running…I think because we don’t have good technique…maybe we should ask for some help with that.  Anywhoo, I weigh in officially with my biggest loser state challenge today – starting weight is (drumroll please)…184.8   I know most girls would probably be sad with that number but as you know – starting from 230 a year ago – that number is cause for a celebration for me.  I still have another 50lbs. I wanna lose.  I need to be 130-135!  That also means I NEED to get off my ass and stop whining about exercise especially when I have such an unexpectedly great support group at work.

 

becoming “the man”…

It has long been a dream of mine to own my own quilt shop.  Up to now that is all I could say that it was…a dream.  As of last night I started taking baby steps toward that dream of becoming “the man” instead of working for “the man”.  I am now the proud owner of my own online shop and it feels great!  It will cost me about $10 a month to run the site.  There is so much to learn – since I don’t know shit about running a web site!  There is a whole lot about setting up shipping methods and payment options and ssl certificates?  Anywho, I just wanted to announce the launch of my store and I might add a web page to it for some info about me (and maybe put some advertisements up) and the business start.  So, this is an exciting new step for me and Jo moving forward   It may be my stay at home mom ticket!

In ttc news – CD 19 still on “high alert” but no peak yet.

In weight loss news – I am down to 185.4!  Not the nice 170’s like on my other scale or “the good one” I like to call it.  The digital is brutal and moves slower…humpfh.  So a lb. a week it my steady rate right now – sure would love to have a big week and lose 2 or 3!  Anywho, that’s it for now kids – I will post when the web site it up and running – right now it’s just under construction.

 

Meteor Shower…

Tonight I will be up watching a meteor shower…by myself :O(  Jo has to work and won’t get to see it.  It’s supposed to start good around midnight which is great cause I will still be up!  Her schedule still has me messed up and I find it very hard to sleep without her there.  During the week I only get about 5 hrs. a night but on the weekends…it’s something like 10-11 hrs. 

In weight loss land – from somewhere out of the blue I got a shot of motivation and I am going to ride it as long as I can.  I suddenly have the strength to say NO to the bad things like mayo on sandwiches again.  I got a pedometer yesterday from the Active For L.ife program that we are doing at work.  I just have to log my daily activities now and hopefully our team will win!  I am competitive so that’s enough to drive me to complete this 12 weeks program.

In TTC world – still waiting on AF.  I am sure it’s because I changed my exercise routine that it’s taking SOOOOO long.  My last cycle was something like 48 -50 days.  The longest I ever went was 6 months without but then it turned back around and I had six months of AF….everyday.  I eventually ended up in the hospital anemic and had to have medication to stop the menses.   Really crappy. 

Otherwise, things are good.  My mom told me she was getting married and, I’m not sure yet, but I don’t know if I am happy about it.  I never expected her to get back with dad but something is still off.  Dentist appt to replace 2 fillings coming up next week and my boss is out from work on maternity leave.

 

we agreed…

to meet this guy who my mom has found.  Hopefully this is not a colossal mistake!  In weight loss news, I have been increasing my water intake this week and getting a slow start up back into my workout/eating routine.   Jo’s new work schedule is getting me all mixed up too…I can’t sleep because I am used to her being there and now I have “empty bed syndrome”.  So in order to get some zzz’s I have resorted to sleeping with my stuffed Hello Kitty and Roseanne on the tele.  Crazy sounding I know…

“The List” update – I have just about decided on French because for some reason – I feel like I will be needing in at some point in my life…maybe we will live in Paris…who knows what the future holds?

In TTC news, I am waiting for AF now and I don’t think it will be long…by the way my breast feel it could be any day.  Once she gets here we are thinking if this meeting goes well that we might do both IUI and then at home with C?  Maybe I am thinking too far in advance?

Souhaitez-nous la bonne chance !  Au revoir

 

vacation days…

Prepare yourselves for a long, long, long…post from me.  It has been a while since I have done a decent update to this blog and for that I apologize.

Ok, well I guess we can start with a little explanation about the list from the previous post.  I have been thinking that I would round it out and make it a 30 before 30 list.  So first let’s get to the adding:

• meet Bette Midler (like actually talk to her…or scream at her which ever reaction comes first)
• learn how to wire a light fixture
• ride a jet ski
• do a fasting for spiritual enlightenment
• move to another state – florida is the pits for gays.

I suppose to some this must seem dumb – making a list and going through it item by item but I think it sounds grand and I am happy to report that some items can already be crossed off!  While we were on vacation I learned how to play maj-hong and had semi public sex with my honey(this one will only get half a check mark until it is completed).  Somehow I also ended up being “watch-out” for my straight friend to get laid at the public pool in our condo complex….it was insane.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with a wish list on this trip!  Our vacation was otherwise pretty quiet and laid back – we hung out at the beach a lot and got lots of shells!

When we got home we decided that we are going to start another money pot for weight loss.  Our new goal is – who ever loses the most by 12/23 wins $400!  I could really use that money for some kick ass presents for her so I already started.  It was no surprise that after one BFN and two months off of exercise and calorie counting I gained 9lbs.  Seriously.  So the ticker will go back to 189…I hate to even type that number.  Enough of the self loathing…moving on.

In TTC-ville this week…like a dummy I took another HPT on vacation.  Let’s just say that after the -tive showed up I ate almost an entire plate of turtle brownies.  You may be asking yourself “why would she do that?”  The answer is – I was getting dizzy on the way down and had a total emotional meltdown the first night we got there.  I felt some nausea the next day and thought “what if?”  So in the spirit of responsible TTC’ers I reasoned that I should test if was going to drink just in case….  I am a fucking idiot.  That test threatened to put a damper on my whole vacation.  I know better next time – just drink… because 6 beers isn’t enough to hurt anything and I would be passed out before I finished that much anyway *sigh* I’m such a light weight.  Once I start working out again my cycles will straighten back out and we will try again in Sep/Oct. 

That brings me to another…somewhat depressing topic.  Families with assholes for members.  Sorry for the rocky transition of topics *crooked smile*.  First off let me point out that my estranged brother has yet to talk to me since about christmas.  While we were there he let us know that they would not be celebrating christmas anymore because it’s not Jesus’ real birthday.  I’m sorry but did he really miss the whole point of the season?!  I am not really one who follows any organized religion.  I go with what feels right to me – is that wrong?  I feel like he is trying to push me back into the closet and it is really distressing.  I miss my brother that loved me unconditionally, that could talk to me about anything and I him.  Its a damn shame.  Fucking fundamentalist… mental being the key word there….

 

busy little bees…

Is what we have been.  Work is really stressing right now and add to the fact that I did indeed start my period…a stressful week was had by all.  We are currently getting ready to go on my birthday vacay to Sanibel Island and I can’t wait!  Still on my period though and we leave on Sat. afternoon so that sucks a little.  Moms are coming down for 3 days or so and then just Jo and I for the last 4 days in our condo on the beach!  Ugh, I can’t wait to get there.  We need this. 

Weight loss stuff is not going, that is to say that if it were (which it’s not) that it would be going badly.  I have taken a nose dive off the wagon not just fallen off.  I have gained 6 lbs. in 2 months…. hmpfh.  This sucks.  Next week isn’t going to help since we will be having such yummy food while we are gone.  I want to have tirimisu everyday.  Hell, it’s vacation right?!  We are going to try to get in some exercise while we are there but try would be the key word in that sentence. 

Anyway, sending out hugs and positive vibes for those still TTC whatever stage you’re in!  I will post pics when we get back!

OH and quick note* we already bought our tickets to see Harry Potte.r and the HBP on Wed!  So excited!  I will let you know how it is!

 

bikini bliss…

so  I put on my bikini folks.  the one im wearing to sanibel.  in just over 3 months.  it sort of fits…  And sort of not.  I definitely need a bigger top.  This weekend was of those rare weekends that seem to last for longer than 2 days…it was awesome!

On Saturday we went to lunch and I got some of the new BK burger sho.ts…. pretty good in my opinion.  Then we went to get some floats for the pool and then we went over to moms to swim.  I just got my tat so no swimming for me – all I could do was float but I still managed to get a bit of a starter tan for sanibel.  We got home and then went to the movie – saw Angels and D.emons – and it was not that good to me.  If you have read the book you will find the movie distracting – so much so that you can’t enjoy it.  The movie itself was not bad just VERY different from the book.  After the movie we went to our local “fun” store and looked at some new toys.  We found some that we liked and met some really stupid people in the store..I don’t know why they go in there if they can’t just act their age?  It’s like I just want to slap them.  They were walking around going “OMG how can people use this stuff?”  umm….why are YOU here?   Oh well, we found some cute waterproof stuff and we left…

Sunday we HAD to go buy a new refrigerator…had to.  We got a mayta.g this time because they were on sale at Home Depo.t  and hey – who could pass up a sale?  So we got a normal freezer on top fridge model and it was only like 620 then we bought the warranty for up to 5 years because of our luck with appliances.  total we spent $778 including tax.  Not too bad – but it was more than I really wanted to spend.  Then last night we had a chance to really reconnect – it wasn’t rushed because of work or places to go…and it was raining…perfect.  We talked a lot about when we start TTC again and how we will deal with the BFNs and talked with hope about the BFPs :O)  That about sums up our weekend – now I am heading to the gym!  so I can fit into that very cute bikini that i have.  I took pictures in it but I don’t know if I will be brave enough to post them here or not – I guess we will see :O)

 

will it really happen this month?

I gained a lb this week. I am tempted to say it’s just water weight but truth is – I took off the last two days of exercise because of some back pain and pretty much didn’t log what I ate. A huge mistake for me because there goes the structure! Without it I can’t do this. So in a feeble attempt to make up for lost time – I will not take off my thursday this week only Sunday (mothers day) to get back on schedule. On a much lighter note – I think the metformin might actually help me ovulate this month – I had a temp drop on my chart this morning and some EWCM too! all good signs that my body is getting baby ready!  I really needed to see some results too because whoo it has put my body through the ringer!  Today is CD 11 of month 4 of charting.  Temps seem to be a little more consistent this month than previous months so here’s hoping