isn’t it beautiful…

look what I got this morning :O)

 

will it really happen this month?

I gained a lb this week. I am tempted to say it’s just water weight but truth is – I took off the last two days of exercise because of some back pain and pretty much didn’t log what I ate. A huge mistake for me because there goes the structure! Without it I can’t do this. So in a feeble attempt to make up for lost time – I will not take off my thursday this week only Sunday (mothers day) to get back on schedule. On a much lighter note – I think the metformin might actually help me ovulate this month – I had a temp drop on my chart this morning and some EWCM too! all good signs that my body is getting baby ready!  I really needed to see some results too because whoo it has put my body through the ringer!  Today is CD 11 of month 4 of charting.  Temps seem to be a little more consistent this month than previous months so here’s hoping

 

wonky chart?

So this chart is obviously anov. but how did FF pick up on a potential ovulation so late in the game and why didn’t the hatched lines disappear when my first light day came?  Hmmm many question.  I am thinking that it is time to start charting my CF as well so that they have more info to work with.  I just don’t feel like I am expert enough to tell the different ones apart.  I can tell the big one EW but the others not so much…  Anywho, here is a pic of what I see unfolding before me everyday – crazy and confusing as it is – any ideas?

 

*currently listening to:

 

Vegas bound…

We are leaving for Vegas in just over 2 weeks from now.  OMG I can’t wait!  It is going to be sooooo awesome!  We are thinking that we will buy one more small luggage so we can pack half and half .  That way if one bag gets lost we both still have clothes.   I have been hearing a lot about it from people who have been and it sounds like a dream trip – Vegas, Grand Cany.on and ATV’s in the desert!  Last but certainly not least – BETTE MIDLER in concert!  Jo’s dad always wanted to take her to the GC but he passed away before he got the chance.  I feel a mix of emotions about that – I mean I couldn’t decide where to take her and then all of  the sudden the GC popped in my head and I though – hmmm that’s close to Vegas too we could do both!  Funny how things work  – he was probably whispering it to me in my sleep or something :O)  Anyway, creepiness aside – it warms my heart to know that I am able to give her the trip they really wanted to take and just couldn’t. 

Switching gears for a minute – my temp this morning was up – 97.2 and it was supposed to go down.  Today is CD 29 – supposed to be the last day of this cycle but I have a feeling this one will be longer due to my topsy turvy life her lately.  My boobs did get sore 2 days ago and I have been feeling sluggish so I’m sure it’s not longer that a week to go to she gets here.  This cycle looks anovulatory as well.  Looks like I have to lose some more weight to get things going in the right direction.  6 More lbs. will put me at this months goal but I only have 2 weeks left (with a vacation trip) in the midst of all that to boot.  HMMM….might have to use that gym at the hotel after all :O)

* Chart updated as of this morning

 

messed up schedule

basically, we went on a mini vacay this weekend and I didn’t temp – or chart the whole time.  I took a break.  Which right about now I am regretting a little.  It would have been so easy to do one min. with a thermometer and I could have went back to sleep.  Now my chart is crap and my sleep schedule is messed up as well.  The temps I am getting are an hour or more than normally scheduled programing and it looks like doo.  for real.  I have been taking OPK (except this weekend which was probably when it happened) and today I got a faint line which means A) I have either already O’ed and it’s catching the tail end of the surge or B) it’s getting ready to happened.  It’s hard for me to tell from my temps because they are all over the place …but I did have some EWCF this weekend while we were gone so my guess is – it already happened.  The crazy thing is next month I will be in exactly the same boat because we will be on vacay to VEAGS the same CD weekend as this month. 

I went ahead and made an apt. for my yearly during which I will talk to my OB about resuming our IUI’s.  Having lost a little bit of weight I am hoping he will say yes – and that I don’t need any meds because everything should be operating normally.  We have had a heck of a time finding an RE in our area that does not refuse service to lesbian couples. So if things don’t (for whatever reason) work out with doctor-funny-pants and the IUI’s and we have to go this route – it will mean a two hour tour to Jax beach and a lot more money.    Here is this month’s chart so far:

 

*currently listening to:

 

where’s the action?

 

hmmmm…..well it’s certainly not here ’cause this pattern looks  like a flat line - my ovaries must need a jump start or something.  Please, please, PLEASE let me O this month!

OPK day 3 just a faint line…day’s 1 and 2 stark ass white.

Can I just say really quickly (on a totally un-related subject) that I love RuPaul’s new show!  If you haven’t seen it you should!  It comes on Monday’s on the LOGO channel.  It’s worth the space on your tivo if you don’t stay up that late )

*Currently listening to

 

business of charting

I have soooo much to learn when it comes to understanding this world of infertility and TTC.  At times it’s a little overwhelming for me (a semi-newbie) not to mention what a beginner feels like!  Yes, we have been trying for a while – but not to the extent that I am now (or technically not yet).  Now I am trying to fully understand the mechanics of it all and I guess this is where most folks feel the stress start to kick in.  You plan everything right down to the timing of the insem and then if you don’t get preggo you start thinking that you are somehow responsible for what happened.  I can see myself getting into the very destructive cycle if it doesn’t work for us after I get to my TTC weight.  This will have been my last ditch effort to get preggo without meds and if it doesn’t work I am worried that I will get insanely depressed and gain all my weight back.  I know this sounds extreme but hell – I am putting all my energy into something I want to see results ya know.

I wonder does anyone else charting intentionally change the data (just for a second) to see what they want to see instead of what is really happening.  I do.  My last cycle I wrote everything down on paper so that I could change it to see what it would look like to actually get the solid cross lines on my chart.  Of course then I had to change it all back and that was a little crappy.

 

new motivation

We were in wally world yesterday and happened to wander through the baby isle (yeah right) because I was in need of some new motivation.  Jo seemed a little reluctant not because she didn’t want to go but because she knows that in the past these trips through baby-ville have done nothing but make me depressed at the fact that we don’t have a child yet.  I was able to talk her into it and we had a great time – we even found this cute little onesie and I bought it.  It says “Mommy’s lucky charm” and it has a 4 leaf clover on it.  I know it sounds stupid  – buying clothes for a child that doesn’t exist yet but I couldn’t help myself.  Last night I came home and did crunches with it on my belly.  As  I type this I realize how insane I sound but I wonder if there are others out there like me.  Who don’t listen to the logic and then have buyers remorse afterwards.    Otherwise it was a good trip to SW and we did find a really cute car seat that we liked …… jeez it’s never ending.

 

Moving right along into my chart – now if I were trying (and a betting girl) I would say hells yeah this is the cycle that worked.   It appears as  if I have achieved the ever elusive “tri-phasic chart” without even trying.  I knew that this time it was going to be a little crazy but what the hell is going on?  I still haven’t figured out how to post or share the damn thing on here so you can see what I’m talking about.  I need help understanding this mess of a chart.  I know that outside things can affect it so maybe that’s it?  This mornings temp went up to 97.5 from 97.2 and I spotted some yesterday?  Who knows….moving on.

 

In LOSER-ville yesterday we bought some hand weights.  We didn’t have any prior to this so the videos were challenging but we weren’t getting the most out of the workouts that we could sooooo ba dum bum now we have hand weights.  This week I am going to NOT do the videos and really work on toning some of my arms and abs by doing strength exercises.  I fully expect to gain weight either this week or next but I need to lose some inches as well so it’s not a one sided love affair.  I don’t want to be flabby(er).  So the swiss ball is my friend this week and I am going to try to do as much as I can in my waking hours spent home and not at work.  I will be working some mega OT this week and next to help fund Jo’s B-day trip(s).