in the morning…

I am going to test again.  I am not sure what to expect to be honest.  My boobs got EXTREAMLY sore today and they feel pretty heavy too.  In my mind I keep saying it’s ok if the faint line is gone – it’s ok if it didn’t work this time – you can try again next month…  But my heart is saying it’s +tive and tomorrow we will be expecting a little one in May.  I had a dream about taking the test…i took it and at first it had an error so i hit the reset button (it was a dream lol) and then it said it plain words (apparently it was digital) “yes, crystal, you are pregnant.”  No lie.  That is what it said.  I don’t know if dreams are premonitions or if it is my subconscious showing me what I want to see – but I will take whatever I can get.  So if you could please send us some positive vibes tomorrow – it’s shaping up to be one hell of a day…either way.

 

spotting…

I had some last night…just barely there…but there.  I haven’t tested this morning so I don’t know if it is what I think it is…

 

**UPDATED TO ADD:  The spotting stopped today nothing so far just some cramps, no nausea, no sore boobs (maybe a little bit tender but hardly noticeable) …please oh please…let this be for real this time…

 

back to our regularly scheduled program….

so I had a nervous break down yesterday.  I would like to say sorry and thank you for being there and helping support me…us….in the very crazy tww.  Jo came home last night and I was basically crying myself to sleep convinced that it didn’t work.  Even though I know it could be too early and AF hasn’t arrived.  This is why I named my blog fruit looped because there I times when I feel like every thing is upside down and I am a loon.  I tested again this morning with FMU and the faint line is still there but it was my last test…THANK GOD!  I am not going to buy anymore for a couple of  days (and they will be a different brand just in case it’s a bad lot)…I think it will be easier not having them in the house.  So for now…the line is still there albeit faint but there.

 

test this morning 12dp…

is a little easier to read but still so light I am not convinced so I have decided not to test again until Sunday morning.  That way when the test is for sure positive I can go Monday and get a beta done.  For now we are content with the term “maybe”.  If you are wondering about symps here they are:

• boobs got sore on Monday then went away now you could play basketball with them and I wouldn’t know the difference LOL!
• nausea had been the one most prominent.  I said before that this one couldn’t really count but for two days if I wake up in the middle of the night and roll over – I get a wave so strong that I have moved my scrap fabric garbage can to the side of my bed just in case.
• back pain - I have back issues already in my SI joint they have been doing great I was keeping up with exercises and all of the sudden its hurting way worse.. Not sure why could be unrelated but im throwing it in here anyway.
• hunger – not too much on this one but I have noticed that if I let myself get hungry I become like golem and start whispering “my precious” over my food LOL.  Sharing is not an option

So far that is it and some of this stuff could be just normal I might have turned wrong and my back hurts or I could have waited to long to eat, etc…  Not really sure what to think other than positive and calm “stay baby stay” thoughts.  August is the month I will get pregnant.  I WILL get pregnant in August.