11 and 12dpo…

I started spotting last night.  It was a couple of pink spots no big deal and then it stopped….until around 6 pm tonight.  I had a couple more spots only when I wipe but I am and have been cramping like a crazy person.  I have a headache, and tooth pain too   I know that spotting around this time is still ok…but it’s like a bad acid trip…I keep re-living this same nightmare of getting my period over, and over, and over and over again.  Only then I wake up and realize that it’s not a nightmare – it’s real life and it sucks.  While I’m on the subject let me just say that even though I am a little bummed right now I am very thankful that I have a cycle that will start normal, that I had a cycle that I ovulated and I actually got to see the change on the monitor, that we have a donor that is willing to meet us 6 times in a 12 day span, that I get to take this journey with the love of my life and that I have a great support system both at home and here in blog-land   For ALL of these things I am thankful beyond words.  I refuse to let these spots take away from all of the bright wonderful things in my life. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

this is me…not obsessing…

So, yeah – I pretty much have nothing really to talk about because…I’m not obsessing.  Oddly enough, not stressing about every little thing leave more time to do other things like quilt.  I started a new project tonight and I am planning of having it done before bed tonight.  Today has been tough on the “don’t think about it” front though.  Seriously, to the point where I am kinda worried to have an orgasm because I don’t want to interrupt a succesful implantation.  Not that there is any truth to that…but there could be.  I am going to try not to test until December 5th.  That should be one week late.  I doubt I will make it that long – but you never know.  Otherwise, boobs are still sore although not as bad – it seems to be getting better, having horrendous cramps mostly on my right side and I am breaking out like crazy!   All the signs that you know who is right around the corner – oh how I wish she would skip our house this month and allow another visitor in – the stork   Also, I would like to report that it has happened, finally, I am happy for a pregnant someone and it’s genuine and it feels good not hurtful, or jealous, or envious or bad.  I barely know her actually but I had heard that she has been trying  for years and she just got her BFP last week.  I think she will be the first recipient of the “B is for Baby” quilt line - sponsored by my company.  While on the subject of that – I received two job offers tonight – one for a memory quilt and one for a mystery quilt.  I officially got commissioned for my first two paid pieces – how awesome is that!  So busy little bee – me will be a sewing junkie for the next couple of weekends.  Also, I am thinking of giving personal quilting lessons and offering classes one or two weekends a month.  I think this will be great to get the word out and make some extra money in the process.  OH and if you want to find me on facebook – email is pirategirls16@yahoo.com

 

cd 22

I am concerned that because I took 100mg clomid this time that my period is going to be even worse than normal.  The cramping is here and it’s getting more intense like to the point where I might have to take some aleve.  I try to stay medication free if I can so that is no small statement for me.  It f’in hurts though.  My boobs are sore – have been since 2 dpo.  Normally they get that way a week before AF arrives – which on one hand makes me happy because that means  I shouldn’t have a 40 day cycle this month.  On the other hand it makes me sad because I know at 2dpo I would not be having symps… so it’s not “p word” related. 

In other news, I got a new project yesterday that I am super stoked to get started on!  It will be finished 70 x 70 size (a huge square) Which will be so pretty when its all done…I hope.  Anyway, so far I am loving this sample maker stuff because it gives me a variety of things to try and I get to learn so much!  Plus it keeps my mind off TTC (see, there we go again).  I asked for a new sewing machine for christmas – just one to tinker on and to have as a back up when mine goes on the blink because it was used when I bought it and it’s and kinda old.

 

well…

not to sound less than enthusiastic about this TWW but… I kinda am.  I am trying – sorta successfully – to keep my mind on other things.  To keep my mind so full of projects I don’t have time to think of anything else.    I had some pretty intense cramping last night which makes me think AF is right around the corner and makes me a little sad.  Part of me thinks well you did take the double dose of clomid and maybe it worked this time…but the other part of me thinks honestly how could this outcome be different than the last.  The only time I allow myself to think about it when I’m blogging so it might be sparse this TWW just because I am trying not to over analyze every little symp or twinge.  There is a song from the movie P.rince of E.gypt about miracles – even though it’s a kids movie they are still pretty powerful and I think the lyrics definitely apply to the head space I’m currently in or hoping to be in soon.  One of complete faith and understanding that things happen for a reason – and that it’s not just a chliche’.

In workout world, I am set to run with my team tonight – well half of my team the other half is training and to gimpy to run LOL.  Really though, it’s not funny she hurt her knees and ankles from running…I think because we don’t have good technique…maybe we should ask for some help with that.  Anywhoo, I weigh in officially with my biggest loser state challenge today – starting weight is (drumroll please)…184.8   I know most girls would probably be sad with that number but as you know – starting from 230 a year ago – that number is cause for a celebration for me.  I still have another 50lbs. I wanna lose.  I need to be 130-135!  That also means I NEED to get off my ass and stop whining about exercise especially when I have such an unexpectedly great support group at work.

 

peak on CD 17 yeah!

OMG my first peak day on the monitor EVER!  I dreamed about a peak last night and this morning – I got it.  I’m so excited  – insem #5 was done this morning and #6 is tomorrow morning.  It will be the last one of this cycle.

 

CD 15…

I thought for sure the monitor would give me a peak day today but no…  Still high which is good and I am thankful for but it would be nice to see a peak for once.  I am set for another insem this afternoon and another run tonight.  The running and working out is really helping to keep my mind off of the craziness of ttc right now.   We walked last night 2.4 miles and today I am having a lot of sinus drainage…hopefully it will not turn into an infection that would make me have to take medicine.  You know how that stuff just zapps fluid.  Speaking of …I have noticed a nice progression of fluid this cycle and have checked my cervix twice and have been able to see a difference there too.  I am still taking the metformin in half doses twice a day and it seems to be easier on my system and might even be more balanced to help my cycle as well.  So, that’s the scoop in ttc world right now but I’m asking the heavens above to give me something more exciting to blog about it a little over two weeks time (positive hpt, positive HPT, POSITIVE HPT).  Just putting it out there

In other news, my quilting projects are coming along so/so.  Jo’s is finished with the exception of one border and I really want to throw it out the door.  It has been a pain in my ass since I started it and I just don’t feel like I did all that good on this one.  Good enough to be sure, but not at the same time.  I also am getting ready to start making my jars of christmas goodies to sell, quillo.ws and casserole carriers too…for gifts and for sale.  I am going to call them Casserole kimonos   My boss is back from maternity leave and boy am I stoked about it!  responsibility gone, stress gone, personnel issues…GONE!  That was the toughest part of the job was managing the people – not fun.  Anyway, with tropical storm Ida we are getting lots of rain so I gotta get going before it starts pouring again…send me some positive vibes ya’ll!  Much love to everyone ttc – i hope we all win the baby lottery this month!

 

a christmas carol = nightmare…

We went to see this last night and the best I can say for it is that the graphics were ok.  It was dark, sinister and not any fun at all.  We both came out of the theatre going…WTF was that?  At least the muppets knew how to make it entertaining!  We were disappointed…just saying.

 

#2…

done.  I have decided that I am not going to do anything different this time than I would on a month I wasn’t trying.  That means exercise routine stays the same even on insem days…like today.  I came home about an hour after and did my 30 min. run.  I hear people say, and doctors too,…”you should take it easy after the insem” or “rest with your feet up and hips elevated”.  I say “umm…I’ve done all that, now what?”  So, I’m doing it my way – the normal, everyday, Crystal way.  It just feels right and a lot less stressful.

 

CD 10….

Guess what I got on the monitor this morning - my first high day on CD 10.  I am determined that I won’t get all bajigity this cycle.  Don’t over think it – just go with the flow.  So, we went this afternoon and did the deed.  Insem #1 complete.  We are going to try to do 5 insems this cycle!  Don’t know if that will happen but we are sure going to try.  I am feeling a little crampy right now it’s been about an hour.  Anyway, just wanted to keep you guys up to date… we are back in the game TWW here we come!

 

how much do I still have to do?!?…

OMG, today it feels like I have a world of stuff to accomplish and not nearly enough time…here is the list in no specific order (and please excuse the bullets it has been a long week!)

• take my last round of clomid tonight – thank GOD …headaches much!
• stop in the quilt shop and have them look over my piece and offer up suggestions because at this point I am a little discouraged with this project.  It’s Jo’s christmas present and I don’t want to ruin it…maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself for this one.  I just want it to be perfect and it is far from at this point.
• stop off at CVS and buy some cough drops because I have a cold.  This is especially great since it’s the first time in a while that I have a good chance of conceiveing…not now- colds throw everything out of whack.
• go to the grocery store and buy my mom a pie crust so she can make dinner – at this point I say subway.
• get dressed for work where I still have a butt load of stuff to do tonight.
• do the budget because tomorrow is pay day.
• find time to finish the project I got farmed out to do by the shop…haven’t even washed the fabric yet.
• get my workout clothes together – so far this week I have run about 6 miles.  That is pretty damn good for just getting back started.  I haven’t been on the scale for 5 days – fighting the urge!  It is also the reason I am now nursing a cold…

All in all, I am pretty busy but somehow, in this maze of craziness, I have time to sit here are blog about how much I have to do…  Hmmm, there is definitely something wrong with this picture.  Send out HUGE BFP’s to everyone out there ttc this month!