Fruit Looped

I feel the need to explain the situation with my brother a little more.  See he was our donor at one time…long, long ago.  It started off well enough – they didn’t want kids – we did… viola.  My brother and I had a stellar relationship.  The closest of the 9 kids.  That was before he found his religion.  His wife insisted that they go to church and that is where he was last seen – now he is but a shell of the person I knew.  When we decided to stop “working together” it was very painful for Jo.  She felt rejected as did I but he’s my brother and I appreciated the help he did give us so I was a little quicker to forgive.  However, after that he got very weird…that’s the only word for it.  He managed to make us feel like lesser humans by quietly shunning us.  They stopped coming around, stopped calling, and eventually stopped all contact with us.  He didn’t even call on my birthday this year.  These are not the rants of an anti-religious person, rather the hurtful confessions of a sister who feels like her brother stopped loving her because she’s gay.  It is unbelievable painful.  We are supposed to get together with my mom this weekend…I’m not sure if that will happen.  At this point I am getting past the hurt and moving on toward anger.  I am having trouble directing it though.  Instead of blaming him –  I am blaming his religion.  I know this is irrational but don’t rightly give a shit.

Prepare yourselves for a long, long, long…post from me.  It has been a while since I have done a decent update to this blog and for that I apologize.

Ok, well I guess we can start with a little explanation about the list from the previous post.  I have been thinking that I would round it out and make it a 30 before 30 list.  So first let’s get to the adding:

• meet Bette Midler (like actually talk to her…or scream at her which ever reaction comes first)
• learn how to wire a light fixture
• ride a jet ski
• do a fasting for spiritual enlightenment
• move to another state – florida is the pits for gays.

I suppose to some this must seem dumb – making a list and going through it item by item but I think it sounds grand and I am happy to report that some items can already be crossed off!  While we were on vacation I learned how to play maj-hong and had semi public sex with my honey(this one will only get half a check mark until it is completed).  Somehow I also ended up being “watch-out” for my straight friend to get laid at the public pool in our condo complex….it was insane.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with a wish list on this trip!  Our vacation was otherwise pretty quiet and laid back – we hung out at the beach a lot and got lots of shells!

When we got home we decided that we are going to start another money pot for weight loss.  Our new goal is – who ever loses the most by 12/23 wins $400!  I could really use that money for some kick ass presents for her so I already started.  It was no surprise that after one BFN and two months off of exercise and calorie counting I gained 9lbs.  Seriously.  So the ticker will go back to 189…I hate to even type that number.  Enough of the self loathing…moving on.

In TTC-ville this week…like a dummy I took another HPT on vacation.  Let’s just say that after the -tive showed up I ate almost an entire plate of turtle brownies.  You may be asking yourself “why would she do that?”  The answer is – I was getting dizzy on the way down and had a total emotional meltdown the first night we got there.  I felt some nausea the next day and thought “what if?”  So in the spirit of responsible TTC’ers I reasoned that I should test if was going to drink just in case….  I am a fucking idiot.  That test threatened to put a damper on my whole vacation.  I know better next time – just drink… because 6 beers isn’t enough to hurt anything and I would be passed out before I finished that much anyway *sigh* I’m such a light weight.  Once I start working out again my cycles will straighten back out and we will try again in Sep/Oct. 

That brings me to another…somewhat depressing topic.  Families with assholes for members.  Sorry for the rocky transition of topics *crooked smile*.  First off let me point out that my estranged brother has yet to talk to me since about christmas.  While we were there he let us know that they would not be celebrating christmas anymore because it’s not Jesus’ real birthday.  I’m sorry but did he really miss the whole point of the season?!  I am not really one who follows any organized religion.  I go with what feels right to me – is that wrong?  I feel like he is trying to push me back into the closet and it is really distressing.  I miss my brother that loved me unconditionally, that could talk to me about anything and I him.  Its a damn shame.  Fucking fundamentalist… mental being the key word there….

I was inspired by my upcoming birthday to make a list of things I want to do while I’m still in my twenties…

1. Learn a new language
2. Wake up on the beach
3. Go to New York
4. give birth
5. go canoeing at midnight
6. be the last one out of a club
7. finish my book
8. Go to Vegas
9. create my own quilt design to enter in a show
10. learn how to play mah-jong
11. Go to England
12. Take a road trip without a map
13. work in a soup kitchen
14. run a 5K for charity
15. sing in front of people …not drunk
16.  get to my goal weight 130
17. have sex in a public place
18. graffiti on something
19. get a psychic reading
20. climb a rock wall
21. ride in an airplane
22. order room service
23. go to a drum dance
24. learn how to drive a boat
25. learn how to play Claire De Lune

Is what we have been.  Work is really stressing right now and add to the fact that I did indeed start my period…a stressful week was had by all.  We are currently getting ready to go on my birthday vacay to Sanibel Island and I can’t wait!  Still on my period though and we leave on Sat. afternoon so that sucks a little.  Moms are coming down for 3 days or so and then just Jo and I for the last 4 days in our condo on the beach!  Ugh, I can’t wait to get there.  We need this. 

Weight loss stuff is not going, that is to say that if it were (which it’s not) that it would be going badly.  I have taken a nose dive off the wagon not just fallen off.  I have gained 6 lbs. in 2 months…. hmpfh.  This sucks.  Next week isn’t going to help since we will be having such yummy food while we are gone.  I want to have tirimisu everyday.  Hell, it’s vacation right?!  We are going to try to get in some exercise while we are there but try would be the key word in that sentence. 

Anyway, sending out hugs and positive vibes for those still TTC whatever stage you’re in!  I will post pics when we get back!

OH and quick note* we already bought our tickets to see Harry Potte.r and the HBP on Wed!  So excited!  I will let you know how it is!