My new goal for this month is 2 fold
- weigh 175 on the digital scale or 155 on the old school one.
- Stick to my new eating/workout schedules.
I have been on the “new” schedules for about a week now and honestly – it is SOOO much easier to have things spelled out for me instead of waking up and saying “oh well, i don’t really feel like it today”. As long as it’s on that paper I am obligated to do it because it a schedule I made. Jo has also made one – not the same as mine which is really great because she’s responsible to keep it up.
Losing weight is like remapping out your life. Seriously, my love (near obsession) of food is just as hard an addiction to break as any other habit. It may not kill you as fast as others but you are basically eating your life away with all kinds of diseases. Learning how to eat without overdoing it is insanely hard. I keep hearing people say that – there are underlying issues for reasons why people turn to food. I agree. I feel like I turned to food because I lack self esteem. I feel like I am not worth it. That others’ needs should be before my own – therefore I neglected myself and my health. I also believe that I just LOVE to eat and that I am too lazy to cook because going out is so much quicker and easier and when you work all the time – convenience is what your looking for! For now I will stick to my schedule and get that under control and then move on to re-establishing my cooking routine. We might have to work something out between the two of us…moving forward but slowly.
Quick happy side note * The last two days I have had NO nausea or diarreah. Maybe my body is finally starting to get adjusted! yeah!
When we walked in the door the smell was intense…. it was the smell of too old bread and AC not running for 3 weeks. The smell of dust and general house settlement. Amidst all the smell though there is a moment as your feet cross over the threshold that you say “ahhh…home.” We moved our stuff back in today and now the living room is a gigantic mess. The flood waters missed our home thankfully but others around us were not so luck y (we live on a bit of a hill). While the time spent at MIL was uneventful in the way of arguments this time – it’s not the same as being home.
I am contemplating going back to the old scale and ditching the digital – for the simple fact that I started losing weight on that one and well…it’s always less than that damn digital one. I am still undecided at what to do at this point. Maybe I will use both 
Food awareness is going well – I think I am down to 184 now so almost 2 lbs. since I started logging everything and sticking to my schedule. I’d say that is success no matter how you slice it
I got drunk last night – so I didn’t take the met like I was supposed to because it says don’t mix – aren’t I a good patient. OH yeah, like it was really hard to give up one night – I have felt better today than I have in almost a month of taking the damn things! I called the doc – basically “stick it out if you can – call me if you can’t” was the response I got….. Dr. funny pants is not so funny sometimes. Then because my cell was lost I told the nurse to call Jo’s phone and leave a message – stupid nurse left “Hi, didn’t know your name was Joleen so I will NOT leave you a message”. WTF? Then she calls back and says “oh sorry my bad, I didn’t know you were partners…blah blah blah.” I guess I should be happy that she at least sort of apologized…. and hey I found my cell too!
Today is CD 1 for me. Last cycle was about 39 days long. They are growing longer and longer which I fear is going to jeopardize TTC when I finally make it to that point. Common things are headaches and cramps exactly one week before like clock work. No sore boobs this time that I can recall but hey I’ve been so consumed with the nausea and diarrhea from the met that maybe I just haven’t noticed. I wonder if I am doing enough during my time off to prepare myself for “the long wait” of TTC. I have been contemplating doing some meditation stuff now so that when we do start TTC I know how to do it. Who knows, maybe I will try acupuncture too
things have been crazy around here! We have been in the midst of an audit and the new meds are still giving me shit…if you get my drift. I was contemplating call Dr. funny pants and asking him to switch the dosage to something smaller but I feel like if I do that my chances of getting preggo are less… does that even make sense? I feel like right now I should have to sacrifice something to know that I really want it. I mean good things come..blah blah blah right?
I haven’t charted since I started the met because I knew if I did it would just disapoint me and now- I am on CD 37 not AF in sight although – I did have some cramping about 3 days ago so my guess is any time now she should show.
I finished the top of my bosses baby quilt. It’s an Irish chain…. my very first one. I hope that she likes it because I do. It’s pretty in a not too babyish sort of way – the girl could really use it until she’s grown if she wanted – it’s big enough :O)
I have been keeping up with my exercise / eating schedule that I created at least this week. I started my food journal as well to kinda give an awareness to what I am putting in my body. It works well to have a schedule/ some kind of structure. At least for me it does. I have been on a three week plateau at 186 and after 2 days of schedule – I lost 1 lb.! So for right now at least the schedule I have is working. I ran a full mile yesterday and today – this is nothing short of amazing for me! I haven’t done that in 8 years. I was so overwhelmed with a feeling of accomplishment I cried in between gasps for breath. I sounded like a sick donkey actually but the feeling was great! I would like to run a 5k by christmas time. I always wanted to and now I feel like I have a chance. Keeping everything “un” crossed (for good luck) for all the wonderful couples trying for the BFP this month! I will hopefully be joining you guys in T – 12 WEEKS!
learning to forgive myself is tough. I struggle with this everyday. I am NOT. PERFECT. I am tired of allowing myself to be the victim in my weight loss story. I realize now that I am going to HAVE to be my biggest fan, my own cheering section, my own support, my own disciplinarian….because relying on others is not fair to them. It’s not my family and friends fault that I won’t get off the couch before lunch and go for a walk or pull out the swiss ball. The time has come here and now… it’s either make or break. It’s the point at which I will say screw it and quit and try again in 3 years when I gained back all I lost and then some OR I say you IDIOT do it now! CARPE DIEM! Take back your life and really live it! Do it for your wife and your future kids! I have doubts but I know it’s in me to do it – the battle has commenced….
on the river to see if it is indeed going to flood our home. Easter was good – but there was that sense of impending doom about our house that kept creeping in. Easter for our family was a little weird this year – my brother insists that we bless our food every meal – which isn’t a bad thing but I am still trying to find our where my path is through all this religion stuff and I don’t like being made to do something that I don’t necessarily agree with. Not that I don’t pray peeps, it’s just that my prayers are different and more heartfelt…individual if you will…than a big group session all praying the same thing. Anyway, things around there were a little stressed but not too bad. They all ate inside and left Jo and I outside by ourselves – def. some tension there although I don’t know why or how to fix it. So, the family stuff – still working through it… I think for DB it’s the fact that he was our donor at one time – they don’t have kids yet – and now it’s a sin to help a lesbo…please…excuse me while I pick up the first stone here. Enough of this crap …moving on.
We bought a 4 -wheeler! On saturday…that thing is so much fun! Pics coming soon! Here are some from the GC
better ones to come :O)
Last but not least, our TTC update – well, the met is getting easier on me – only have nausea once a day usually if I don’t eat, and the diarrhea has let up some – but not much 
I’m still at a plateau on my weight loss but hoping that will change soon – I’m thinking it’s just the medication but the lack of exercise is no doubt a culprit as well. I will check in again soon with more and better pics I promise – gotta run…literally… :O)
Sorry for the radio silence …lot’s going on in my neck of the woods lately or not depending on how you look at it. My temps are still down – actually are zig zagging all over the place since I started taking the met. And it doesn’t look good for this month either as far as ovulation goes. I Have been having some sort of clumpy CM but it has traces of brown in it (like old blood?) so not to sure about that.
I don’t know if I have ever mentioned the terrain where I live but – it’s in between 3 rivers and where the merge is not to far. Well Sunday I was making my usual rounds on the internet and got to weather.com and imagine my surprise when it says “FLOOD WARNING #1, #2, #3”! I was like OMG SERIOUSLY? I have a fear of the weather – wind mostly – because of all the old trees around our home. I am really sacred that they will fall on the house while I sleep and so every night I check the weather. Sounds crazy I know – but it’s the only way I can sleep at night. Anyway, so now we are in the midst of what could be the worst flood our area has seen this 100 years! Flood level is 19 and today we were already at that – projections put us between 27 -32 feet. Holy friken crap. The next step was to pack up anything that we thought we couldn’t lose…. as in was not replaceable. Stop for a minute and think – what would you take? Now imaging the worlds biggest pack rat x 2 and you can start to see what it was like at our house a mere 24 hours ago. Voluntary evacuations have started. We drove by the house and it’s already starting to come up the road. Yikes!
So we get everything packed up (the house is a wreck) and I call our flood insurance company to make sure that all payments have been made and the policy is up to date…yes – thank GOD – but (always a but) the stuff in the sheds is not covered sooooo….the unpacking of the sheds commenced. Our generator, lawn mowers, grills…basically everything you don’t want in a house had to come in so that it would be covered on the insurance. I took pics of everything but I forgot to take pics of our mattress set – dang gotta go back.
To make things just that much more of a pain…I lost my phone. The brand new touch screen (to crazy to operate) phone. We went out bowling on Sat. and we had a few beers (more like 6 or 7 for me) and after we sang karaoke at the bar I was going to take a pic and that was the last time I saw it. I can’t make any calls on the go which is an inconvenience to say the least right now considering the floods and all.
Now we come to the topic I have kinda avoiding…weight loss. It’s not going well if at all. I feel out of touch with that desire right now. The met does seem to be helping but it’s only day 3 and I think that’s because it’s giving me diarrhea. I can’t seem to stay hydrated enough on this medication and I seem hungrier than usual. Is this normal for everyone else? As it stands I have about 50 more lbs. to lose and that goal seems bigger than ever right about now. I am hoping that things will level out here soon and I can take a jog tomorrow morning with Marley to help her focus and get my metabolism goin!
Last, the quilt projects. As some of you know or even if you don’t – I like to quilt. It’s my hobby it’s what I do…it’s my stress relief of sorts. Well, I’ve got about 3 or four projects on my plate right now (mostly baby quilts) and I can’t wait to start them. Problem is finding the time. More on that later since the post has run entirely too long…. Congrats to all the BFP’s out there this month - I can’t wait until we can join you!
OMG…I don’t even know what to say except OMG. From the time we arrived in Orlando to leave until the time we got back it was awesome! My first flight was a rough one – we flew through some bad weather in Charlotte and had enough turbulence that I had to get some Dramamine before we caught our connecting flight . The second plane ride was much smoother than the first and was even enjoyable around hour 3 when we started crossing the canyon and desert. The views were breathtaking but I wasn’t brave enough to take the window seat to get pics until our return trip. We got to LAS airport and got our bags and then we were off in my very first cab ride – it was interesting – cabbies drive like mad people! We got to the MGM and it was unreal! We stayed in the Signature towers (the non-smoking part of MGM) and it was AMAZING! The staff was so friendly and we were treated like royalty! The called our cabs – brought our room service – took our bags and even gave me an extended check out time since our flight was later in the evening! The first night we were there – we walked part of the strip and couldn’t believe how far apart everything is! We walked about 3 miles that first night and NEVER made it to the north end of the strip (near Caesar’s and Bellagio) so I definitely got my work out in that day! The second day we walked around some more and spent some time in the Casino until it was time for the concert… IT WAS AWESOME!!!! Bette has to be the BEST person in concert I have ever seen! The props we crazy the show was bawdy and she even had a shout out to her gay fans! The crowd went crazy! I can’t say enough about it but sadly they did not allow cameras in the theater so – I could only get some video on my cell since it didn’t require the flash. On Sunday – we went ATV riding through El Dorado Canyon – we had sooooooo much fun this day! We got to walk through about 1/2 mile of gold mines- they wouldn’t let us go any farther but I didn’t mind. They told ghost stories of the mines and let us see what the work conditions were like! We got some great pics this day and had a barbque lunch in an old time gold miners town. On Monday -we went to the Grand Canyon. This was so intense. It literally made you feel sooooo small. really. The part we went to didn’t have any fences or railing just straight drop offs to 4,000 feet. It was scary but also very natural. You didn’t feel like you were in a tourist attraction with all the fences and signs – just the common sense that the good lord gave you to stay away from the edges! Pics to come i promise! We also met two very cool ladies from New Caledonia – Collette and Nicole’ (they are french). We had to leave the next day but the trip was crazy great! OH and did I mention that I won $418 dollars while I was there? Next up is the beach body challenge to get ready for our Sanibel trip and I am more than ready since I basically ATE my way through vegas – so much food – so little time.
