hmmmm…..well it’s certainly not here ’cause this pattern looks like a flat line - my ovaries must need a jump start or something. Please, please, PLEASE let me O this month!
OPK day 3 just a faint line…day’s 1 and 2 stark ass white.
Can I just say really quickly (on a totally un-related subject) that I love RuPaul’s new show! If you haven’t seen it you should! It comes on Monday’s on the LOGO channel. It’s worth the space on your tivo if you don’t stay up that late 
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*Currently listening to
Tomorrow I will have “officially” lost 40lbs. Let’s not get into the “where the hell did it go” because I have no clue! So I got to thinking well my second goal was to be 170 by 4.8.09 – well I am 175 right now and that goal seems to easy so I have reassessed my current situation and have decided that 160 by 4.8.09 is a better target. Also, they say that you should stick with the same scale when you are on a “journey” like mine but I couldn’t help but wonder why? So yesterday I stepped on the scale at work. It is digital vs. the old school one I use. Not surprisingly I weighed more on that scale than I do on mine. Keep in mind that weigh in situations are a bit different. At home I weight in with nothing on…just my glasses…and it’s right when I wake up. At work I was wearing Jeans and shoes and it was right before dinner so I had eaten b-fast and lunch already. Still, seems like they should have been a little comparable right? Not almost 10lbs. different right? I guess this is WHY they tell you NOT to weigh on other scales.
While I was resetting my goals I thought it would be a good idea to also talk about my rewards system (which i have lazily not setup). I had a thought that I would get a tat after I met my second goal but I would much rather have a massage right now! SO I thought that while I was in vegas I would get an in room hour long aromatherapy massage or maybe the stone therapy? Whatever, I’m getting one! My body hurts in places I could not have imagined and I don’t need more pain from getting tatted up before we go! Here is a list of tentative goals and rewards:
#2 = 160lbs by 4/8 – massage in vegas
#3 = 150lbs by 5/6 – CBEFM or clothes because by this time I won’t be able to wear my current clothes.
#4 = 140lbs by 6/10 – ??? yeah right TTC!!!!!!
#5 = 130lbs by 7/22 – *Party* Total Goal MET!!!
* Currently listening to:
I stepped on the scale this morning and bam…..5 lbs. lost! Im telling you this is crazy! The closer I get to my goal weight the more I am like OMG I get to start trying again! We leave for St. Augustine this coming weekend and I am going to be 40 lbs. lighter than the last time I was there! OH and just to let you know my most recent discovery is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Mamma Mia. LOVE IT. I was a little skeptical at first because you know Meryl trying to sing and dance….seriously? I was waiting till it came out on video but then life got busy and I forgot – but now? NOW I am going to by the soundtrack so I can have some awesome workout music! I just love ABBA.
In other news – my chart is looking very different from the last one – by now my temps would have shot up and I would be getting the hatched lines saying I might have O’ed – by CD 11. But today they are staying right around 96.7ish. I am going start taking OPK today and for the next 7 days in hopes that I will catch the surge. Last cycle looks like annovulatory which bums me out cause I thought I did good – but no. So to help pass the time I am going to look at quilt patterns and start planning my next project. Sometime this is the only thing that keeps me going. I am also going to start re-reading my HP book series. In my copious spare time an all.
I have soooo much to learn when it comes to understanding this world of infertility and TTC. At times it’s a little overwhelming for me (a semi-newbie) not to mention what a beginner feels like! Yes, we have been trying for a while – but not to the extent that I am now (or technically not yet). Now I am trying to fully understand the mechanics of it all and I guess this is where most folks feel the stress start to kick in. You plan everything right down to the timing of the insem and then if you don’t get preggo you start thinking that you are somehow responsible for what happened. I can see myself getting into the very destructive cycle if it doesn’t work for us after I get to my TTC weight. This will have been my last ditch effort to get preggo without meds and if it doesn’t work I am worried that I will get insanely depressed and gain all my weight back. I know this sounds extreme but hell – I am putting all my energy into something I want to see results ya know.
I wonder does anyone else charting intentionally change the data (just for a second) to see what they want to see instead of what is really happening. I do. My last cycle I wrote everything down on paper so that I could change it to see what it would look like to actually get the solid cross lines on my chart. Of course then I had to change it all back and that was a little crappy.
temps are down and AF is here full force. I haven’t really had much to say because I have been working so much I don’t have a life to blog about. I am on CD 3 and taking my temps religiously…same time every morning. I ended up with a 29 day cycle last time and I am getting a little aggravated that I am not smart enough to post my chart on here so if anyone out there can help a blogging idiot (me) I would really appreciate it!
In LOSER-ville I am really struggling with the cravings this week. I had a piece of cheesecake for dinner. Yesterday the need for chocolate was so overwhelming I had to tell Jo to throw it out (and I was still temped to go digging in the trash to get it – 5 second rule right?)…seriously. Well anyway, I am debating on if I am going to weigh myself this week because I know it will be disappointing to see the + factor on the scale. I’m afraid that if I don’t though that I will lose the ability to keep myself accountable for what I am eating and that is way worse than a few minutes of “OH crap I suck”. So right now it’s either be depressed OR be weak. Man this blows.
We were in wally world yesterday and happened to wander through the baby isle (yeah right) because I was in need of some new motivation. Jo seemed a little reluctant not because she didn’t want to go but because she knows that in the past these trips through baby-ville have done nothing but make me depressed at the fact that we don’t have a child yet. I was able to talk her into it and we had a great time – we even found this cute little onesie and I bought it. It says “Mommy’s lucky charm” and it has a 4 leaf clover on it. I know it sounds stupid – buying clothes for a child that doesn’t exist yet but I couldn’t help myself. Last night I came home and did crunches with it on my belly. As I type this I realize how insane I sound but I wonder if there are others out there like me. Who don’t listen to the logic and then have buyers remorse afterwards. Otherwise it was a good trip to SW and we did find a really cute car seat that we liked …… jeez it’s never ending.
Moving right along into my chart – now if I were trying (and a betting girl) I would say hells yeah this is the cycle that worked. It appears as if I have achieved the ever elusive “tri-phasic chart” without even trying. I knew that this time it was going to be a little crazy but what the hell is going on? I still haven’t figured out how to post or share the damn thing on here so you can see what I’m talking about. I need help understanding this mess of a chart. I know that outside things can affect it so maybe that’s it? This mornings temp went up to 97.5 from 97.2 and I spotted some yesterday? Who knows….moving on.
In LOSER-ville yesterday we bought some hand weights. We didn’t have any prior to this so the videos were challenging but we weren’t getting the most out of the workouts that we could sooooo ba dum bum now we have hand weights. This week I am going to NOT do the videos and really work on toning some of my arms and abs by doing strength exercises. I fully expect to gain weight either this week or next but I need to lose some inches as well so it’s not a one sided love affair. I don’t want to be flabby(er). So the swiss ball is my friend this week and I am going to try to do as much as I can in my waking hours spent home and not at work. I will be working some mega OT this week and next to help fund Jo’s B-day trip(s).
I have been so unbelievably busy planning for my sweetie’s B-day coming up this month! It’s a big one for her – the big 30! Yes this month in 1979 Jo’s mom was heavy with baby and ready to pop! She is nostalgic about the time and remembers her pregnancy fondly – unlike some women who hate being pregnant her mom loved it and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of a grandbaby to cuddle ASAP! So in light of the big day I am planning a monster bash in none other than the “city of sin” – LAS VEGAS BABY! I have made all of the important arrangements – like the hotel and the main concert she wanted to see – BETTE MIDLER! We saw her about 5 years ago in Atlanta and it was awesome!
Her birthday will come in two phases – the birthday weekend which will be spent fairly locally in St. Augustine “on the beach” and the second phase to sin city. #2 won’t take place until march though because Bette was taking feb. off so she didn’t have any shows then – only Cher which wouldn’t have been bad but it’s worth the wait to see who you want. I can’t decide if I want to do the helicopter tour of the GCanyon or the river raft tour – both would be great but I am not sure yet. I am leaning toward the raft because there isn’t a weight limit – and there is for the heli and I don’t want her to be embarrassed because she was over on her birthday trip ya know – that would just suck and be totally awful. So maybe I do have my mind made up after all. I am going to try to fit in an ATV tour of the Valley of Fire and maybe a Circ de soliel show….any suggestions?
OH and I can’t leave out the biggest part – even though gay marriage is not legal in Nevada – (but prostitution is?) there is a small chapel that does commitment ceremonies. We have been talking for a while that we would like to do that but it always gets pushed back and cancelled because life happens so while we are there – I am going to see if we can’t get “hitched” in a traditional Elvis wedding LAS VEGAS style 
If anyone reading has been and thinks there is something we absolutely should NOT miss please feel free to let me know! This will be both of our first time there and my first time on a plane – ever.
In TTC ville – this week has been a doosey for me – I haven’t been as disciplined this week as I have for the last 5 and I can really feel a difference. I keep telling myself “by eating that you are setting yourself back 100,200, 500 calories from getting a baby”. The usual motivation is not working and I need a swift kick in the but to get me back on track. July is our target month both for TTC and weight loss. It is also the month we will be going to San.ibel Island so I want to look slim and trim for both my bikini and uterus debut! We still have some vials left at the bank and are going to proceed with IUI’s at that time – 4 tries is all we have. In charting world FF will only give me a guesstimate of when I ovulated based loosely on my temps alone because I haven’t been charting CF and position this cycle – I just wanted to get in the habit of taking my temp ya know…baby steps. According to the chart I o’ed on CD 10 (maybe) and temps since then have stayed above the cover line so who knows. I am hoping that the 4 days I didn’t exercise will not FUBAR it.
